In ‘Paris is Burning‘, after Rory tries to make some efforts to disassociate Mr. Medina from the Max-dating-Lorelai, Lorelai seems to become uncomfortable about Rory wanting to spend time with Max. Sookie points out to Lorelai that she has a “getaway dance” that happens about 2 months into a relationship, when Lorelai pulls away. Sookie suggests that Lorelai uses Rory as an excuse to end relationships; that it is Lorelai that is afraid of being attached.
So, does Lorelai have a fear of relationships? And, if it’s not about Rory getting hurt, then where did it come from? Since Lorelai’s parents are still married, it’s more unusual to have a fear of commitment due to trust issues. Perhaps she’s worried a long-term relationship would become boring, then? Or is it simply a fear of being hurt? If so, what do you think caused Lorelai to mistrust others (or herself?) in this way?
If you look back, Lorelai’s fear of relationships may have started even with Christopher and her insistence that he lead his own life, rather than marry her, after she became pregnant.
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I think she knew deep down that she didn’t really love Max (like she confirmed in season 6 while talking to the shrink), so she was scared Rory would get attached to him if she was to leave him.
I also think there is a part of fear of committment. She’s been living on her own for a while, whith her little routine with Rory. Remember how she did everything to delay the living with Max once they were engaged. She didn’t even sleep in the same bed and kept telling Rory how things would be different once they’re married.
If Lorelai isn’t afraid of commitment, I don’t know who is!! I think we see this throughout the whole series.
The MOST important question of the series, Arieanna, absolutely – but one turned on its head when Lorelai proposes to Luke in Season 6.
The brilliant thing about this show as a romantic comedy goes is that it looks like the Palladinos were setting up a debate about true love versus marriage for marriage’s sake.
On the one hand, Lorelai rejects the idea out of hand when Richard confronts her with it again as what was “the right thing to do.” But then Lorelai tells Chris that marriage is about “hard work” and “commitment” and doing the same thing day after day — surely this is not ALL it’s about or what Lorelai dreams marriage could and should be. And her lecture to Christopher is pretty brutal considering how she bails out of engagements TWICE.
I think Mac is on the right track — the question is who did she really love — she knows Max would have been a good match on paper, but is that what marriage is about? Is that what Lorelai — the Queen of Fun — is about? If we take her lecture to Christopher seriously and compare it to her proposal to Luke and accepting Max’s proposal, it seems that she does think of marriage to be this fairy tale stabilizing force. And it’s that the she bails out of twice, both times for whatever Christopher represents to her — fun, at least, possibly more.
The bigger question in this episode, though, is Lorelai’s immaturity. Lorelai gets away with her behavior in this episode largely because she’s so charming and funny. If someone else had done this — say a woman wearing Daisy Dukes, from a lower economic class — without knowing the woman most people would dismiss her as completely tacky. But we are charmed by Lorelai so we feel for her.
Ultimately, though, it’s pretty sad that the teenager in Lorelai simply is not the grown up she thinks she is. She horribly embarrasses her daughter and sets off a scandal in the school by not only acting on impulse, but completely disregarding any thought for anyone but herself. It’s a telling side of her character, one that shows MUCH bigger problems than just a fear of commitment.
Lorelai has worked so hard to get where she is, that as much as she wants to be loved, she loves herself [and Rory] more, and has to believe that the ultimate perfect package of a man is available for her to take THE risk. She simply has too much to lose by making a bad choice.
That said, bad choices she makes, Max was merely a convienient distraction and Chris [season 7] a rebound from losing her one true love. Only Luke at the end of season 5 represented exactly what she wanted [but always suspected she could never have].
@mcityrk – you’re on the right track. Her past relationships have been ones of convenience starting and ending with Chris. They were in school together, then later on she turns to him only after thinking all is lost with Luke. Max like you said was just there at the right time and the same can be said about Chris and Alex. Luke is the only one she truly wanted.
So know I don’t think she is afraid to commit she just didn’t find the right guy until Luke.
I think Lorelai is afraid of losing her independence/identity and doesn’t want to make any changes to the life she has so carefully crafted. She never even really considers how Max will factor into her life until Luke asks,” where will you live, etc.” Luke is already a part of her life and fits in naturally creating a better match.
For many years, the idea of marriage has been thrown in Lorelai’s face as “the right thing to do if one gets pregnant,” so it isn’t surprising that she she has learned to be suspicious of relationships. Marie’s comment about Lorelai’s immaturity is true. Her life seems to be running in reverse at this point in the series. Throughout her real adolescence and teen years, she was either a “wild child” reaction to her straightlaced upbringing or the teen mother of a very young child. Now that Rory is well on the road to being “raised”, Lorelai can become the teenager she never had a chance to be. Becaue she is well-liked in her town she can use this to her advantage, but some part of her realizes that this behavior can become unattractive at some point. The idea of having Christopher somewhere in the background is appealing to her–sort of like someone who is always there but never really has to be dealt with. This keeps her from moving away from her adolescence.